PCOD & Irregular Menses: Part 2 of 3

Dear Karen,

Thanks for replying. 
I just turned 31 last month...so no chance of approaching menopause.
My first menses started at the age of 10 yrs.I've had a traumatic childhood with lots of physical beatings from my mother, with no one coming to rescue in this joint-family where nearly 40 people live.This had made me go into a shell & I would find solace in books & music, art etc.But as for expecting anything from people--it was too far-fetched for me...despite all these baeting which lasted till age 15, I somehow always believed in the goodness of people but myself would never interact much,nor socialise much. 
I still am a loner but my phobia of interacting with people has reduced to quite an extent but if I can avoid it I'd prefer to be on my own.

The menses had been irregular throughout growing years & at that age & with so many changes taking place in life, emotions, painful environment in family it was actually a relief not to have periods as it was an added nuisance & something highly embarrassing, shameful for me. 


PCOD was discovered only 2 yrs ago. Prior to that I had no PCOD.
I have been very active physically (not sexually) in terms of being conscious of health & body since age of 12 & though I've never been trained in yoga, I'd let the body do what it felt like  only to discover 2 yrs hence that what I was doing was a science in itself called yoga (I chanced upon  the famous book Light on Yoga by B.K.S.Iyengar in family & that's how I came to know what I was doing was yoga)
I would call myself a gifted & born with special Divine Grace because I was very highly intuitive & receptive in soul to touches from something deeper levels & was always guided through books. 
Later people were brought into my life for guidance.

There have been a sries of experiences which gave me adequate proofs & evidence of existence of Divine.
This is important because I who was agnostic, atheist & detested going to temples & furthermore detested the idea of what people around painted God to be to come to believe & having nearly messed up my getting a Dentist's degree ( throughout the academic yrs I was suicidal, made several attempts at it but never came close to actually killing myself because something in me, the adventurer in me kept telling me just to wait & see what happens next in life..) 


In the year 2004, I had enrolled myself for 3-month yoga therapy with one of ace students of B.K.S.Iyengar in Mumbai & was put on a diet of wheatgrass juice, was told to avoid wheat, preservatives,sugar, coffee etc. & include lots of raw vegetable & dry fruits. was made to do yoga, 5 tibetan rites (see peter kelder's book), bolster asanas for an hour & half. 
I did that religiously for those 3 months in the class.
Later, after i returned to my hometown I continued with the diet, yoga as much as I could & for one whole year the periods came right on time ...not only that, where once it ws only a two day affair, it became a 5 -6 day flow & i was naturally overjoyed because over a period of time I had become aware that hormones play a crucial role for a woman's psyche. Spiritually too, I realized that whatever progress i made, with the play of hormones & irregular menses i was & still go through extreme emotional upheavals & it ruined whatever progress that was being made. 
It was & is still an uphill task, ike pushing a barrell uphill which keeps rolling down.  
That one year-2005 has proved me that I was right in not resorting to oral-contraceptive pills to regularise my periods. 
It also proved beyond doubts that with regular yoga & prescribed diet, it was & is possible to beat PCOD.

The problem has returned because due to lots of travelling & excessive workload, most of times there's no telling when i'll sleep & when i'll wake up etc.,it is difficult & next to impossible to have regular supply of fresh wheatgrass juice & also do yoga regularly. 
Sometimes there's so much bloating & uneasiness in the body itself that it renders it incapable to do yoga.
It seems like a vicious cycle.

Since May of this year I have surrendered to homoeopathy treatment & am doing best not to let the anxiety get the worse out of me. 

About your observation that I'm trying or wishing to change something or wish it wasn't there, you've hit bull's eye,Karen.

I'm told by my homoeopath that I'm "not insane but very highly intelligent,the kind of stuff geniuses are made of, people will benefit a lot from you, but you will suffer a lot" 
I wish I could change my looks,I find too, too too many flaws with my body....too much body hair,facial hair, scars, keloid scars, other scars, bad skin owing to PCOD, short, not beautiful, not outgoing enough, too straightforward, too direct, not sophisticated enough, not articulate enough, can't do small talk & when I have nothing to say i'd rather keep quiet than resort to babbles. 

I'm quite an extremist, very harsh on myself & very, very perfectionist.
I keep breaking promises & resolutions I make for myself & feel I'm despicable.

This is to give you a bad picture.There have been times where people have told me & consider me very highly gifted, special, unusual,rare soul on earth.
But being a perfectionist by nature I end up concentrating on the negatives that i don't want & become concentrated on the negatives. 
Being so aware & conscious of things at microscopic level,renders me awareness of the muck in me of microscopic levels...the more conscious i become the more muck i see in me.
Despite knowing & having innumerable spiritual, miraculous experience, this one thing with menses has made me determined me to cure this. 

There are times when I forget that there's something called--letting go, to surrender to the Divine because He knows better& the more i try to cure myself, the more i interfere with HIS way of curing me.

I envy the westerners for the beautiful bodies they have...their very CELLS radiate such joy, freedom, delight & health, as if basking in the pure glory & sunshine...something that most we Indians will never understand. 
I never got opprtunities to learn to swim or there's no plce here in my hometown where one can step out for a morning walk or simply step out for a walk without being eve-teased or molested.

I am even doing Beej Mantra for the respective lower 3 chakrs to facilitate yoga & homoeopathy. 

This will be a long story because it entails my quest for spirituality at the height of my crucial academic years as a student of Dentistry.
And I'm not sure if you might have the patience (or maybe I have lost the patience & hope?)

V-

 

 

Hello V, I did receive your emails to me and this one to Susun.  Justine, Susun's daughter, and I receive emails.  Susun is rarely able to correspond through email.  She does offer the free Tuesday night phone consultations but I imagine your distance makes this time and cost prohibitive.  Regarding anonymity, we are happy to respect your privacy in whatever way you feel is best.  I always leave out a person's name, often shortening it to the first letter, and contact info is never included.  Is there something further you wish?

 

I have heard many develop the relationship with their menses as you had.  It is easy to consider that this in part may contribute to our further concerns.  As well you have the painful relationship with your own mother, you female lineage.  It may do much to further explore all this and as an adult take conscious steps to heal and nourish your relationship with your inner feminine.  It sounds like you are doing this already.  I hear too your struggle with your perfectionism.  You describing it suggests to me that this perhaps has some part in your journey toward nourishing your wholeness right now.  Recognizing aspects of who we are is a wonderful step in this.  I hear too you seem to know what direction to move and have done so with wonderful results.

 

Beyond my earlier suggestions, what I hear in reading your writing is "nourishment" in the form of something consistent and nourishes you deeply.  It was, and perhaps can still be, yoga.  It can be a simple diet addition, like healthful fats which support our hormonal system, or quality well-prepared whole grains, or other such thing as appeals.  Did I send you before this article on cessation of menses, http://www.menopause-metamorphosis.com/An_Excerpt-104-cessation_menses.htm  I know you have not stopped completely, but some of the ideas may assist and inspire you.

 

Karen Joy 
wisewoman@herbshealing.com 
www.wisewomanweb.com

 

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